two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
