if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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