whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
