i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
