where am i from again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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