I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize