I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
