when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
