Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
