Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
