You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
