Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
time to smoke my breakfast
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
