Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
