Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
