Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
