you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
