Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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