I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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