we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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