I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
