Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
