He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
