you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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