i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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