Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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