So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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