The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
