Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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