Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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