I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
