Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
