Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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