Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
