I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
