Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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