guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
