And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
