Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
