I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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