so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
