so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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