she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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