Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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