New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
