i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize