Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
