We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
