You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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