We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
