oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
