i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
