i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
