Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
