I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
