More tranny stories later!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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