You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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