YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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