Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
