I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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