absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
