We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
