No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
