Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
