who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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