After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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